Life...something all of us are gifted with. I'm wondering if we take that gift for granted. We live in a fast paced society that jumps day by day to get to the next best thing...yet, nobody is content. Everyone is searching to reach the next level of life...the next dollar...the next title...the next graduation...the next child...the next holiday...the next birthday...the next break. Do you see where I'm going with this? We are not content. We want what is next, not what is present.
In this gift of life, we have seasons. In those seasons we experience many different emotions, trials, and changes. I am beginning to clearly recognize those seasons in my life up to my current age...and let me tell you friend, it's mind-blowing.
Season 1: Go With The Flow
I'm going to start when I was a youngster because that's when, well...my memory starts. My grandma adopted me and I can only remember my life with her as a young child. She was my caregiver and I was/am extremely attached to her. She took me to church nearly every Sunday and I just kind of went wherever she took me. My life seemed to be perfect! I was living high on the hog! I mean, I was only 4-5 years old...the most exciting time for me was my birthdays and Christmas! (I just knew I got presents and that's all I cared about) I dreamed of those days! I guess I kind of literally went with the flow of what happened around me. I lived on Disney and The Land Before Time. I searched for the cereal boxes that had the color changing spoons in them because I thought they were magic! It didn't take much to make me happy; however, if grandma was sad, I was sad. If my aunt Kerri was sad, I was sad. I copied their emotions...so as long as they were happy, my life was good!
Season 2: Death is real.
Okay so if anyone knows me or my family, they know that we have animals. Unfortunately, animals don't live forever as I had thought they did. Even though I had experienced death of my grandfather at a young age...I couldn't comprehend it clearly. I just thought he went away to a place called Heaven and that he needed to wear his glasses because he didn't look the same without them when he passed away. I had no clue what Heaven was but I knew he was there. Anyways, one day grandma found one of our cats frozen in the shed and I was devastated. I didn't show emotion because I thought I needed to be strong for grandma. I held myself together the whole day but I cried myself to sleep that night. I was never going to see my kitty again. Was there kitty heaven? I didn't know. Somewhere in my mind I decided that there had to be a kitty heaven and I found peace there. Here I realized that death is real...and I realized that anything could die at any moment...so here comes the ulcers.
Season 3: Where is grandma?
So, I was in kindergarten and I had to go to a baby sitter half of the day after kindergarten was over. I had to separate from my grandma because she had to work. Let me tell you...I can still remember to this day how terrible this time was for me. I was traumatized. I calculated how long it took to get to my babysitters from the school so that I could calculate the time grandma would get to my babysitters after her work. She arrived around 3:55 each day. If she was a minute late, I freaked out because I knew (in my 6 year old mind) she got into a car wreck. Pretty deep stuff. Anyways, I'm sure the babysitter thought I was a psychopath 6 year old who was too attached to their mom...but in all reality, I was scared that she would die.
Season 4: God is real
So my life took a spin here and I'm not sure many know about it. I was seven years old and I could read! I started reading the Bible and I could understand it...well some of it. Grandma had supplied me with the tools I needed to become a Christian girl but it was my job to use the tools she gave me. I think I was stuck in Genesis for about a year because I couldn't read half of the words. I sat in my bedroom and prayed to God to teach me what I needed to know to become a Christian girl, and that is exactly what God did. At just seven years old, God began to speak to me and instill within me what I needed to do to become a Christian girl...and that was to believe. At this point, I knew very little about the Bible but God has placed an amount of faith in me that allowed me to truly believeHe was out there. By this time, I had heard several sermons and had attended several Bible schools but nothing really hit home to me like it did that day in my bedroom. God was real and this Jesus guy played a part in it too...even though I didn't really understand who Jesus was. My friend Norman filled me in on the rest of the details I was missing. I began to speak to Norman about what I had learned and he said it was time for me to get baptized. This is where the journey begins.
Season 5: High school slump!
Well, as most can imagine...being a Christian in elementary school was pretty easy. I just thought I needed to talk about God a lot and make sure that I prayed for my food before lunch. The simple Christian life! I didn't need to give up anything...well except maybe a pencil or an eraser to a friend who was needy. God was still working through me though. ;) Once I hit high school it got harder...from bullies to clothing issues...to listening to bad music to watching bad things...to going to church on Wednesdays to cussing with a friend on Thursdays. I was the perfect Christian girl...just kidding! I strayed away badly in high school because I just wanted to fit in! My life was crazy! I had to be on the top! I had to be the best! I had to have a boyfriend! I needed to be successful in my cheerleading, Jesus preaching , A Plus, PERFECT LIFE! I was messed up. My morals were off. My identity was in materialistic things. Success was my goal. I was selfish. I literally needed someone to smack some reality in me...and that is exactly what happened.
Season 6: Reality Check
So I was in youth group one Wednesday and Josh (my youth pastor) had this great idea of writing sins down on a rock and burying those rocks so the sins were no longer with us. Of course this youth lesson was at a perfect time...you know, one of those times that God is literally molding you back into place. That's what this night was for me. I put all my sins on this rock and three things were revealed to me from that moment on.
1.) sin is real
2.) death is real
3.) I need to change
These three things have stuck with me my entire life because these three things are ongoing. Sin will always be real and a struggle for me. Death will always be present in my life in some shape or form. I am in constant need of change in some aspect of my life. This was the summer of my junior year...my senior year was radically different. Graduation came and went and college became the new reality.
Season 7: The Mysterious Beyond
So college was great! I met many new friends who had the same life goals as me! We just wanted to get to Heaven and take others with us. Sounds good? Yeah, we thought so too...until we realized that it wasn't that easy. Outside of the little town of Dexter, I realized that people don't always listen and like God. All of my teachers weren't Christians and half of my friends weren't either. I was placed in my own mission field and man was it a battle. So I graduated from Cowley and continued to Southwestern knowing that I planted seeds at Cowley in hopes that they would grow. Southwestern was a place that had seeds already planted. In fact, seeds were planted all over the place. God was poppin out everywhere! But still, I was working on the three aspects that I learned in youth group. Here is the time and point that God gave me a huge fact that only I could know ;)...reading your Bible is key! I found myself listening to everyone else and losing focus as to what the Bible says. Whoa! Fun fact: the Bible is always right. So I started to dig in more and more each day.
Death became less scary because I learned that Jesus had already died the ultimate death so that I wouldn't have to. Death is just a scary word for meeting. Now I look forward to that meeting with Jesus Christ because I can say that I truly believe in Him! With that, I learned that I will always continue to sin...and even on those dark days, God still picks me up. With sin, I learned that I will always need to change...because once I learn my sinful nature, I need to change and repent...and move on! It's a daily process that requires a daily action. I'm in season 8 now...and let me tell you, my life is a roller coaster with many ups and downs, twists and turns, abrupt stops...but I look around as I am on this roller coaster and realize, I'm not the only one riding. Thanks for being on this roller coaster with me my dear friend. Life is good. God is good. I am not good. I need to change.
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