New Life (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Hello friends! I haven't posted a blog in quite some time. When something happens in my life the first thing that I usually do is write! Writing is my escape. This time I just couldn't get the words to my fingers; however, I think I am ready to share my story as I have had time to heal and process everything that has happened.

About three months ago my husband and I received amazing news! We were expecting our very first baby. We were both on cloud nine! I was a little hesitant once I found out I was pregnant because I just didn't think that it could be real. I made an appointment to go to the clinic that very next day to confirm the pregnancy. After that, I told all of my family and a few friends. I just couldn't keep it to myself and on top of that, I wanted everyone to be in prayer for this pregnancy. I miss that feeling of knowing that God had created life within me. Such a beautiful thing. At the clinic they had made an appointment in three weeks to meet with the OBGYN.

Looking back, I had absolutely no clue what to expect. I only knew that we were going to have a baby in about 9 months. I was filled with joy. My husband and I excitedly waited for the OBGYN appointment to come so we could see how far along I was and we wanted to make sure that we were taking all of the right steps to have a healthy baby,

The first appointment came and we found out I was close to 6 weeks pregnant. I also learned all of the thousands of things I shouldn't eat and what I should eat. Really, it was a lot to take in. My husband and I just stepped right through the process and scheduled an appointment to have an ultrasound for that next week.

The wait for that appointment seemed like a year! I just wanted to hear my baby's heart beat. I was ready to have clarity and experience the feelings that all of my other pregnant friends have experienced. I walked every night like normal and I made sure to do "all the right things".

During this time, I was still in college. I was taking a class called Child Psychology. I seriously learned everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy. I learned what to expect and how to handle specific situations. The class taught me so much about the production system and the labor process. There is a huge difference between knowing something and actually experiencing it. My life changed.

The week slowly went by and the appointment arrived. I went in the hospital room and waited for the Dr. to come in to do the sonogram. As I am laying on the table holding my husbands hand, I heard the words that every couple doesn't want to hear. "I'm so sorry, I cannot find the heartbeat of the baby." Well, I had read several articles explaining that at six weeks not finding a heart beat could be normal so I took the information as a grain of salt. The Dr. then briefly explained that they wanted me to wait a whole week to try to find a heartbeat.

My mind was spinning! How was I supposed to wait a whole week? How was I supposed to just sit back knowing that they may never find the heartbeat? Wasn't there something more that could have been done? Looking back on the situation, I didn't have much explained to me at all about the situation. I was just told to wait and see next week.

I continued to wait that week holding faith in the idea that whether or not my baby was alive, God had him or her in His hands the whole time. I held strongly to that knowledge. Knowing this was the only way that I could go to sleep at nights. Even with this in mind, I still cried myself to sleep most nights.My husband helped me through every moment. Most nights he was holding me and I could feel God holding both of us. It was as if God felt our pain. So comforting.

On Mother's Day, the Sunday before my next appointment, I passed out getting ready for church. I just did not feel well at all. I ended up falling and hurting my neck and legs. I never want to feel like that again. At that moment, I knew something wasn't right. I just didn't feel okay. I read up on how I felt and found out that it was a symptom of pregnancy and it also was a symptom of miscarriage. Not comforting at all. I kept on telling the Dr. that I wasn't experiencing anything that lead to a miscarriage.

The next appointment slowly came and here I was sitting on the table again waiting for the Dr. to come in to do the sonogram. Once again, she explained to me that my baby measured smaller than the week before and there was still no heartbeat. My heart sank. I just laid there crying my eyes out because all of the nightmares I was having that week became real. My husband's head sank in his hands and I just wanted to comfort him. I met the Dr, in the next room and he really wasn't that nice to us. He wanted to schedule me for a D&C right then and there. I had no time to process anything. Heck, I didn't even know what a D&C was when I left that appointment. I told him I wanted to wait and he basically said that I needed to schedule a surgery because he didn't want to wake up that early for nothing. He was just really rude to us and we both felt that he saw our miscarriage as something to just "get over".

We walked out to our cars after the appointment and I called another OBGYN that I was told was really good. I wanted a second opinion and I also wanted someone to treat our baby like a baby. I wanted someone to show me proof that my baby had passed away. I wanted someone to give me the news with care. Life begins at conception; therefore, my baby was alive for six weeks! That means something to me.

My husband and I headed up to the other OBGYN that very next day and we were accepted with care and support. We didn't have to wait very long and I could just feel a real difference in the way that we were treated. We were brought back to the room and by the Grace of God, we felt really good that day. We knew that the probability of our baby being alive was very slim; however, we just clung to the knowledge that our baby was with God either way. That mindset allowed us to be emotionally free.

The Dr. came in and talked to my husband and I about everything. He asked how I was feeling and wanted to know literally everything. He asked me how I was emotionally and he told me that he would tell me information as he would tell his wife. Knowing that gave me comfort because I knew that he actually cared. He also conversed with my husband about things in a way that allowed him to have a say in what was going on. The Dr. was in mid-sonogram and gave us the same news that we had heard in a much better way. He showed us the difference of what our baby should look like and what it looked like now and he showed us where we should be seeing the heartbeat. He gave us proof of everything and allowed us to see our reality.

At that time, he gave us awhile to think about what was going on and explained to us that nothing of what happened was our fault. I needed to hear that. I am very hard on myself and I usually take blame for most of what happens. At this time, I just wanted to pause and give God the glory. There was a huge relief at this moment for both of us because we knew that our baby was in the most perfect hands. We found peace in that. God gave me the gift of pregnancy and that is so much more than many women get to experience.

So, now what? After a bit of a reality check my husband and I were given options. Only one option would work for us. My cervix would not open to have a natural miscarriage. I was not going to be able to miscarry the baby naturally. If I were to miscarry the baby naturally, there could have been several weeks or months before release. Also, with the natural miscarriage the risk of many complications were visible. The Dr. highly recommended the D&C....so that is what we did.

That very next day I had a D&C. The surgery went well and everything seemed to just move on....or so I thought. Two days after the D&C I was experiencing pain that I could barely handle. I have a high pain tolerance and I could barely handle it. Everything that I had been told was that a D&C is super easy and the healing process was fast and painful. I dealt with the pain for about three more days. At this time I found myself on the bathroom floor barely able to move because of the pain I was experiencing. I called my husband and he came home from work. He rushed me to the Emergency Room. That ride to the hospital was horrible. I just wanted to get relief. Finally, we got to the hospital and they took me in to find that I had an infection starting. They gave me a shot and sent me home with antibiotics.

Two weeks after the D&C the pain started going away slowly and I was able to do my normal house chores for about ten to twenty minutes at a time. After that, I would start hurting and would have to sit down. Bleeding continued to get worse but I just figured that it was normal.

Well, here I am at three weeks after the D&C and I am still experiencing a little bit of pain and the same bleeding. My life isn't back to normal yet. I can't do much for long periods of time. I am normally a very active person, but I can barely do anything without experiencing pain and heavy bleeding. I may have to go back to the Dr. but I feel better about everything as a whole.

So...while people were in an uproar about deciding which bathroom to use or whether or not a gorilla shooting was appropriate, my husband and I were mourning over the loss of our baby. Yes, I said baby! Life begins at conception. I have been told that this miscarriage shouldn't be a big deal or that I should just move on because we can have another baby....it hurts. We did have a son or daughter within me and we lost him or her.

I'm sharing my story because I want people to know what I have gone through. I want people to know that I am here for them. No, I'm not looking for attention and I'm not looking for any negative or positive comments. I just think that maybe...someone out there...somewhere....is experiencing this same thing. I want to be there for that person. I want to lift them up in prayer just as many of my friends and family lifted me up. God is good. Always.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Love each and every one of you! 

Apple Jacks and Froot Loops

Life...something all of us are gifted with. I'm wondering if we take that gift for granted. We live in a fast paced society that jumps day by day to get to the next best thing...yet, nobody is content. Everyone is searching to reach the next level of life...the next dollar...the next title...the next graduation...the next child...the next holiday...the next birthday...the next break. Do you see where I'm going with this? We are not content. We want what is next, not what is present. 

In this gift of life, we have seasons. In those seasons we experience many different emotions, trials, and changes. I am beginning to clearly recognize those seasons in my life up to my current age...and let me tell you friend, it's mind-blowing. 

Season 1: Go With The Flow

I'm going to start when I was a youngster because that's when, well...my memory starts. My grandma adopted me and I can only remember my life with her as a young child. She was my caregiver and I was/am extremely attached to her. She took me to church nearly every Sunday and I just kind of went wherever she took me. My life seemed to be perfect! I was living high on the hog! I mean, I was only 4-5 years old...the most exciting time for me was my birthdays and Christmas! (I just knew I got presents and that's all I cared about) I dreamed of those days! I guess I kind of literally went with the flow of what happened around me. I lived on Disney and The Land Before Time. I searched for the cereal boxes that had the color changing spoons in them because I thought they were magic! It didn't take much to make me happy; however, if grandma was sad, I was sad. If my aunt Kerri was sad, I was sad. I copied their emotions...so as long as they were happy, my life was good! 

Season 2: Death is real. 

Okay so if anyone knows me or my family, they know that we have animals. Unfortunately, animals don't live forever as I had thought they did. Even though I had experienced death of my grandfather at a young age...I couldn't comprehend it clearly. I just thought he went away to a place called Heaven and that he needed to wear his glasses because he didn't look the same without them when he passed away. I had no clue what Heaven was but I knew he was there. Anyways, one day grandma found one of our cats frozen in the shed and I was devastated. I didn't show emotion because I thought I needed to be strong for grandma. I held myself together the whole day but I cried myself to sleep that night. I was never going to see my kitty again. Was there kitty heaven? I didn't know. Somewhere in my mind I decided that there had to be a kitty heaven and I found peace there. Here I realized that death is real...and I realized that anything could die at any moment...so here comes the ulcers. 

Season 3: Where is grandma? 

So, I was in kindergarten and I had to go to a baby sitter half of the day after kindergarten was over. I had to separate from my grandma because she had to work. Let me tell you...I can still remember to this day how terrible this time was for me. I was traumatized. I calculated how long it took to get to my babysitters from the school so that I could calculate the time grandma would get to my babysitters after her work. She arrived around 3:55 each day. If she was a minute late, I freaked out because I knew (in my 6 year old mind) she got into a car wreck. Pretty deep stuff. Anyways, I'm sure the babysitter thought I was a psychopath 6 year old who was too attached to their mom...but in all reality, I was scared that she would die. 

Season 4: God is real

So my life took a spin here and I'm not sure many know about it. I was seven years old and I could read! I started reading the Bible and I could understand it...well some of it. Grandma had supplied me with the tools I needed to become a Christian girl but it was my job to use the tools she gave me. I think I was stuck in Genesis for about a year because I couldn't read half of the words. I sat in my bedroom and prayed to God to teach me what I needed to know to become a Christian girl, and that is exactly what God did. At just seven years old, God began to speak to me and instill within me what I needed to do to become a Christian girl...and that was to believe. At this point, I knew very little about the Bible but God has placed an amount of faith in me that allowed me to truly believeHe was out there. By this time, I had heard several sermons and had attended several Bible schools but nothing really hit home to me like it did that day in my bedroom. God was real and this Jesus guy played a part in it too...even though I didn't really understand who Jesus was. My friend Norman filled me in on the rest of the details I was missing. I began to speak to Norman about what I had learned and he said it was time for me to get baptized. This is where the journey begins. 

Season 5: High school slump! 

Well, as most can imagine...being a Christian in elementary school was pretty easy. I just thought I needed to talk about God a lot and make sure that I prayed for my food before lunch. The simple Christian life! I didn't need to give up anything...well except maybe a pencil or an eraser to a friend who was needy. God was still working through me though. ;) Once I hit high school it got harder...from bullies to clothing issues...to listening to bad music to watching bad things...to going to church on Wednesdays to cussing with a friend on Thursdays. I was the perfect Christian girl...just kidding! I strayed away badly in high school because I just wanted to fit in! My life was crazy! I had to be on the top! I had to be the best! I had to have a boyfriend! I needed to be successful in my cheerleading, Jesus preaching , A Plus, PERFECT LIFE! I was messed up. My morals were off. My identity was in materialistic things. Success was my goal. I was selfish. I literally needed someone to smack some reality in me...and that is exactly what happened. 

Season 6: Reality Check 

So I was in youth group one Wednesday and Josh (my youth pastor) had this great idea of writing sins down on a rock and burying those rocks so the sins were no longer with us. Of course this youth lesson was at a perfect time...you know, one of those times that God is literally molding you back into place. That's what this night was for me. I put all my sins on this rock and three things were revealed to me from that moment on. 

1.) sin is real 

2.) death is real 

3.) I need to change 

These three things have stuck with me my entire life because these three things are ongoing. Sin will always be real and a struggle for me. Death will always be present in my life in some shape or form. I am in constant need of change in some aspect of my life. This was the summer of my junior year...my senior year was radically different. Graduation came and went and college became the new reality. 

Season 7: The Mysterious Beyond 

So college was great! I met many new friends who had the same life goals as me! We just wanted to get to Heaven and take others with us. Sounds good? Yeah, we thought so too...until we realized that it wasn't that easy. Outside of the little town of Dexter, I realized that people don't always listen and like God. All of my teachers weren't Christians and half of my friends weren't either. I was placed in my own mission field and man was it a battle. So I graduated from Cowley and continued to Southwestern knowing that I planted seeds at Cowley in hopes that they would grow. Southwestern was a place that had seeds already planted. In fact, seeds were planted all over the place. God was poppin out everywhere! But still, I was working on the three aspects that I learned in youth group. Here is the time and point that God gave me a huge fact that only I could know ;)...reading your Bible is key! I found myself listening to everyone else and losing focus as to what the Bible says. Whoa! Fun fact: the Bible is always right. So I started to dig in more and more each day.

Death became less scary because I learned that Jesus had already died the ultimate death so that I wouldn't have to. Death is just a scary word for meeting. Now I look forward to that meeting with Jesus Christ because I can say that I truly believe in Him! With that, I learned that I will always continue to sin...and even on those dark days, God still picks me up. With sin, I learned that I will always need to change...because once I learn my sinful nature, I need to change and repent...and move on! It's a daily process that requires a daily action. I'm in season 8 now...and let me tell you, my life is a roller coaster with many ups and downs, twists and turns, abrupt stops...but I look around as I am on this roller coaster and realize, I'm not the only one riding. Thanks for being on this roller coaster with me my dear friend. Life is good. God is good. I am not good. I need to change. 

5 Reasons Why I Waited To Move In

5 Reasons Why I Waited To Move In 

Hello friends! So here I am, sitting in my “new to me” house that my husband of about one week bought over the summer! Yes! There are a lot of “new things” in my life right now and I’m perfectly fine with it. 

Last Saturday my husband and I finally tied the knot after one year of friendship and then one year of courtship! Believe me, the wait was very long, but extremely worth it! We strived (and still strive) to keep God the center of our relationship no matter what! 

Before I continue this post I want to mention that I am not writing to shame anyone…I am only sharing my thoughts and beliefs. 

When my husband and I first got engaged we made a vow to each other that we would not kiss or engage in sexual activity. With this being said, we decided together that we would not live with each other until after the wedding. In fact, we tried to keep our alone time to a minimum. We created boundaries and we kept them. Was this easy? No! Was it worth it? Yes! 

I have had several dozen people ask me why we decided to wait to move in together until after the wedding. When this question came about, I wanted to reply with several different answers because there was never just one clear answer regarding this question! …and that’s why I am writing this blog! So here they are…the top 5 reasons why I waited to move in. 

1. Raising The Gate To The Boundaries: As I had mentioned above, we had set boundaries in place way before we even started courting. We had been very open with each other regarding what we felt should be saved for marriage (we may have slipped a kiss or two a couple of weeks before the wedding). With this in mind, moving in together would have literally broke down the gates to the boundaries set in place. It would have been nearly impossible to keep our boundaries! We both knew God's Will for our relationship and we knew that living together would hinder that process. We didn't need to "try out" each other or see if we could "stand to live together" because we both had assurance through our friendship and our courtship that God orchestrated this perfectly! (Even though we both could get on each other's nerves...love is a choice that we made and make daily and it conquers all) 

2. Creating a sacred place in our hearts and our home: We talked about this thought frequently. We wanted our home to be a sacred place...a clean place that is covered by God. We both agreed that the less sin we allowed in our house, the cleaner it would be. Now clearly we are human and sin is something that we can't escape; however, it is something that we can try to control personally with God's help! It would have been extremely difficult to continue this thought if we had moved in together before our marriage. Temptation would be everywhere and sin would have been right around the corner...and we all know that satan loves to mess around in that! 

3. Respecting each other in every way, shape, and form: Respect! A word so small, but with such a large meaning. Without respect, we would have fallen apart. With respect comes many other attributes to a great relationship. Living together before marriage would have distorted the view of respect. Our ideas of what is right and what is wrong would have been thrown out the window...the respect we both should have been giving to each other would have been nearly crushed due to selfish desires. Our idea of marriage would have been distorted as well...what would have been the point to getting married when we already were living as a married couple? Life commitment is a whole new level of respect that can only be met through marriage. 

4. To live according to His word: This one is pretty obvious. God's word is very clear on marriage and the ideas behind it. We are told to not commit adultery...this would be nearly impossible to do when living with the person whom you want to marry in the future and we recognized it right off the bat. The new thought that enters in is "well, we are going to get married here in the next year, so what's the point in waiting?" I'm not going to lie and say that  the exact thought didn't cross my mind a few times...but that is how satan works. He tends to take what's good and attempts to make it evil. I'm proud to say that I did wait! Waiting isn't easy, but I do believe that the regret of not waiting would be a lot harder! Sometimes things don't work out as you think they should...God always has a plan...but it is much easier to leave what is good alone and move on knowing that you did your best by following God's command...rather than looking back and regretting past actions. Wait...it's worth it!

 

5. To start brand new: here's a good one! New beginnings are always wonderful, aren't they? Marriage allows a whole new beginning with the love of your life. If you are like me, it was a whole new beginning with the love of my life in a whole new house that I had never slept in before with a whole new kitchen ready for me to cook in and a whole new list of chores needed to be done and a whole new lifestyle that I had never lived. Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? To be honest, I was never once overwhelmed because I knew God was wrapping his arms around both of us through the beautiful chaos of the newlywed life. 

God is blessing us for waiting and God is showing us the beautiful outcome of our boundaries. God's word does not change and His love for us goes on and on! He is the reason for the love my husband and I share and He is the reason why my husband and I will continue to try to be the best that we can be for each other. We will fail...but God will always be right there to pick us back up. God is there for you too! 

Love you bunches!

Your friend, 

Caitlyn Leigh Hecker 

Why Our Wedding is Important To Me

As I'm sitting in my room thinking, I realize that we have almost every little thing (even table cloths) on my check list checked off. What?! Is this real life? Sam and I did it! Without a wedding planner...without much financial help...with just each other! How amazing! 

But then I'm convicted...Wait...we didn't do this, God did. He gave us the tools and the ideas to make this day wonderful. What a blessing! I am seriously so excited I can barely contain myself. One month and a half to go and we will be one in Christ! And then suddenly tears start rolling down my cheek...a mix between happy...stress...thoughts...curiosity...and it all just seems to be overwhelming; however, one thought always seems to be highlighted over everything else. I have heard these frequently and it always just sticks. 

"Caitlyn, it's a wedding...it's just one day...it's really not that big of a deal...you're too detailed...not much is going to change anyways...getting married is fun, but just give it a few years..." 

I don't know, maybe I'm being a little too ecstatic...but, i am way beyond excited for this day! And here's why: (by the way, these are not in any order) 

-We were literally made for each other. 

While this seems pretty cliché, it's very true that Sam and I were made for each other. We kind of work like a puzzle. Where one lacks, the other fulfills. We make a great team (even in ministry work)! We just kind of click. We both have a heart for God and we run the race together daily. I mean sure, there are days when one of us is ahead of the other...but we know for sure that we will meet at the finish line when our work on earth is finished. Until then, we keep on truckin! ;) 

-Spending my whole life with Sam. 

Another cliché "soon to be married" comment. But really, Sam and I are about to start our whole lives together and I couldn't be more anxious to see what God has in store for our future. Maybe a baby later on down the road ;) Divorce is not a thing for us...it never will be. (Malachi 2:16) we know we will have our struggles, but we also know that we have a God who is for us! 

-Becoming one in Christ. 

Okay but really, this is the coolest thing to me! Marriage in Christ becomes a covenant with the man and woman; one in Christ and one with each other by an act of will from each. What a wonderful thought! It's a Godly mystery really but I am so glad I get to be a part of it! Not only do I have Christ living in me and Sam has Christ living in him...but when we are married we will be one through Christ, by Christ, and for Christ! Sounds like an eternal joy to me! (1 Corinthians 6:17) (Mark 10:6) (John 17:20) I am so in love with God and He is the one that gives me the love I deeply have for Sam! What a beautiful exchange! 

-Not a new life, but a changed one. 

So yeah, Sam and I both have our lives as it is now. I go to school everyday and wait until 5:00pm to come around so I can see him! It's always exciting to me! After that...we eat supper together, do our devotions and pray...and then it's time for him to go to sleep (at our new house) so we can do it all over again the next day. It's so hard for him to leave every night. No! We don't live together. Not yet. We have decided to wait to fulfill our relationship until our wedding night because...well that's what God commands of us. He stays at our house and I stay at Grandma's. So...that means that I have a new house to move into with my awesome future husband! It is so surreal to me...our very own kitchen!Our very own yard! Our very own house!!! We have totally remodeled the inside of it to make it exactly how we like (with a small budget of course). It's wonderful and already full of awesome memories that I thank God for every day! 

-It's my dream come true. 

It is...I don't know if it's just me, but God has placed a true dream within my heart to get married since...well forever. I knew I wanted to get married young. As you all know, I went through a tough time with my past relationship just because I think our sight for God was lost and God was slowly put on the back-burner. It just wasn't my time yet...and now, I'm so thankful for God telling me no. God always has a plan...and every time, His plan blows mine out of the water! I'm not going to lie and say that planning for another wedding has been easy, because it hasn't; however, I am thankful for the reassurance of my understanding fiancé and the reassurance of our loving Father. God always reminds me that He is the King of arranged marriages! He knows who is best for me! 

The big finish: So, it is only natural for me to want to make this day amazing. To be honest, we haven't spent much money...we are using our resources ;) We make it a priority to not idolize the wedding day and we attempt to seek God in every part of our planning process. The only thing that we have spent an abundant amount of time doing is planning,many Pinterest projects, and other odds and ends to make this day fabulous. This wedding isn't necessarily about us either, we want God to be glorified in every way possible. God has literally provided everything for us. 

So here it is, I'm sorry to my friends and family if I seem a little star-struck and my vocabulary only consists of wedding stuff. I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't given you the proper time to grow our friendship because I'm so focused on Sam and our life with Christ. I'm sorry to anyone who is annoyed by my Facebook posts and maybe even this blog post...it's really exciting to me...I've been engaged for almost a year and the time is coming so if ya could hold on just a little longer and hold back all of your negative comments...that'd be great. I love you all. 

See you December 19th as I walk down the aisle! 💗

An Open Letter To The Duggars and TLC

Waking up today, I discovered all of the information going around about your hit television show Nineteen Kids and Counting. Realizing the accusations that were being presented, I stopped and prayed right away for everyone involved. I feel as if you are all a part of my family because your show was one of the only "appropriate" things that I felt my eyes should see. I never missed an episode. The Christian values presented were nothing that I could watch on MTV or even other shows seen on TLC. I became apart of your family and you, as well, became apart of mine. My heart breaks for what has happened and I present this letter with deep love for each and every one of you.

First, to all of the girls: thank you so much for showing me what it means to dress modestly. Jessa, Jana, Jill, and Jinger: you are all role models for me and will each continue to be one of my leading examples of a wholesome Christian girl in the twenty-first century. I respect each of you and your decisions within your relationships and modesty. I have followed your example in a courtship and I thank you for being open and honest about the temptations that are presented in a courtship. You girls are wonderful examples and I pray that you will continue to be that same example. I pray that this situation won't pull you away from publicly showing your values through media. We need more people like you in this world.

Jim Bob and Michelle: Where do I begin? I hope I can be as good as a mother as you are Michelle and I pray that my future husband can be half the father you are Jim Bob. You put your family first, lead them to Christ, and show a great example of Christ's love to everyone you meet. I hope that this situation doesn't make you feel like horrible parents. Satan's attacks can be big; however, we have a God who is much bigger. Feel comforted in His arms during this tough time.

Anna: You knew about this accusation long ago. What a wonderful woman you are to continue embracing Josh and courting him knowing this. You are such a strong woman and an amazing mother. I appreciate everything you do. Your faith in God radiates. You knew that God had a plan for Josh and you knew that Josh was young and confused during this time. I can't even fathom the hurt you are going through...not selfishly, but for your wonderful husband. I pray that you will be comforted in the love of Jesus Christ.

Josh: Josh, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I have prayed for you multiple times throughout knowing the accusations. I don't need to know the full story of when you were fourteen years old to know that you have asked for forgiveness and have turned away from this sin since that time. You clearly love your family and want what's best for them. Not one person who talks bad about this situation can do it with a clean slate. We have all messed up sometime in our life...the only difference is that we don't have a public television show to express it. What you did was wrong, and you know that....but how you handled the situation is right, and we know that. You came clean to authorities, shared the situation with your parents, and expressed the matter to Anna and her parents. How courageous! ....but now, the secret comes out. A secret that I believe shouldn't be a secret in the first place. Why wasn't a situation like this publicized. It would be nice to know that the Duggar family isn't a perfect family...but a family with issues. A family who needs a Savior just like the rest of us. I am praying for you Josh. Much love to you, my brother in Christ.

The girls affected: I am so sorry that all of you went through something that could be so tragic. Knowing the virtues that each of you carry, I can't imagine how this made you feel then and especially now. A statement was made that explained that this situation brought everyone closer to God. I know that in a tight knit family, forgiveness is needed. I do not know the extent of what happened; however, I do know how each of you fully rely on God now and I'm sure then. I have seen examples of other tragic situations in the family and I have seen how you solely keep faith in God during those times as well. I understand that the situations didn't occur recently, but at an earlier time in life. I commend each of you for pushing towards purity and even in the hard times, continue to follow the Bible. My heart breaks knowing that something so precious was taken away from you at such a young age...not necessarily virginity, but complete purity. I love all of you girls and I will continue to look up to each of you. You are in my prayers.

All of the Duggars: What a wonderful time it has been getting to grow up with all of you. Thank you all for sharing your story and being brave. Remember that we, Christians, are a minority in this world. Being a Christian sets us at a higher standard. No matter how much we try to be perfect, sin will still be present. We live in a fallen world. Knowing this, we have to be on guard. Broadcasting your life comes with consequences like this. When people know every little thing that goes on in your life, they are looking for the first thing they can throw against you....even if it is something that has happened twelve years ago.

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 8:23-24

A television show will not hold any importance in eternity. Whether they put the show back on air or they don't, you have a strong family with the foundation of Christ.

TLC: Thank you for airing a wonderful, Christian reality show for so long. I deeply appreciate the time you have given Nineteen Kids and Counting to show their lives. From watching the kids grow up to seeing Jill and Jessa get married, to now adding more fun to the family with grandkids. So much has happened in this wonderful family. I completely understand taking the show off air for a period of time; however, how is this helping the viewers? Shows like: Sister Wives, Breaking Amish, My Five Wives, Preachers Daughters...are shows that you still air...how are any of these appropriate. Just looking at the titles we can see that these shows aren't morally correct. How can one man take care of five woman and their kids. If we want to talk about kids not being treated well, why don't we take a look at those families? At least we know that the Duggars have a mother and a father to care for them...even if they do make a huge mistake like so.

I love all of you and I pray that God's comfort will embrace you.

With Christ's love,
Caitlyn Martin

Accusation Here

Cornel West: Prophetic Pragmatism and Consequential Belief

Cornel West: Prophetic Pragmatism and Consequential Belief

​Cornel West is a Professor of African-American Studies and the philosophy of religion. Most of Cornel West’s ideas and philosophical views are based through a Christological lens. I personally find this viewpoint intriguing. Cornel West presents a new way of dealing with theories or beliefs in terms of the success of their practical application through religion. This new form of pragmatism is called Prophetic Pragmatism. 

​Personally, unlike West, I don’t like the word “religion”. I would rather use the term relationship. I understand that religion is a term that is easily relatable among all, however, I think that the definition is easily corrupted and too universal. Religion: the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods. Relationship requires action from both units of the parties. Religion requires action from only one part. 

​In Biblical terms, the word “prophet” is usually associated with the books of Isaiah, Daniel, or any other type of prophetic literature within the Bible. A prophet is someone who receivesword from God to tell to the people. The definition of the word “prophet” still hasn’t changed; however, the context that the word is placed in, has. We consume God’s word for our individual use. Each one of us who have access to tell and teach people about the Bible with confidence and belief, are contemporary prophets. 

​Whether we want to see it or not, we are living in a time of desperation. The world continues to spin out of control continuously. People are killing others, even unborn babies. World hunger is evident, even in our own communities. Criminal rates are increasing. The church is corrupted. Equality barely exists. Is there hope? Yes. 

​Cornel West states “The mark of the prophet is to speak the truth in love with courage—come what may.” West knows the world around him, but he also knows and believes in hope. He presents this idea through Biblical truths. He claims that it is nearly impossible to put forward rational defenses of one’s faith that can verify it’s veracity or even persuade one’s critics. But right after that, Cornel states that it is possible to convey to others the emptiness and loss of meaning that one feels if they are not grounded in a belief.  

​I think that all who have access to the Word of God are modern day prophets, West would agree. Biblical prophets didn’t have God’s Word in their hands, they had to receive God’s word through their perceptions. We have the ability to have God’s word in our hands, and share the message to the world. Are there consequences? Of course! 

​Christians are the ones who need to point out and stand on the practicality of why we need to believe. Each and every person in this world who does not hold a belief may not know that God exists, but they do recognize that they feel a deep void within them. What they do not discern, is that God fills that void with the Holy Spirit once they accept Jesus. Now stands a firm foundation that each human can relate to, whether they express it or not. Religion doesn’t have anything to do with this concept.This is Truth. Christians (modern day prophets) are called to share the Good News at hard times. In the Bible, when God would relay a message to a prophet, it was usually correct or encourage. Do we, as Christians, take part in that? 

​I am not so sure that we do. Yes, it is “easy” to stand up in front of church and talk about how Jesus died for our sins, specifically for our redemption; however, could we have the same confidence to relay a similar message in the middle of the streets? I am wondering why we spend so much time in the churches preaching about how Jesus saves us, when the people not in the churches need and crave that message more! We don’t want to face the consequences that will come when people hear our radical message. 

​Selfishness: the problem of this generation. We are so worried about our own salvation that we do not care about the salvation of others. I think that our human complex only cares about the eternity of the self. I personally do not think that our eternity is possible by just thinking “I believe”. Belief requires action and faith. God calls us to do so much more than just believing. Yes, believing is the first step, but next comes participation. Participation in God’s Word, prayer, missions, and outreach. Outreach is barely a focus anymore within the church. I think that we are so scared to risk our own social standard to share the Good News to even one person who isn’t in our clique. Belief in God causes consequences and change. As humans, consequence and change is panicking. Being selfless and sacrificing our distractions for our beliefs needs to be a priority in our relationship with God. 

​Lastly, I would like to address the problem of the word “love”. The mark of the prophet also requires this exact thing. Not the type of love that is seen in a Nicholas Sparks novel, but the love that is seen within Jesus: Agape Love. Agape love is self-sacrificial. We are called to love everyone sacrificially. Jesus shows us this type of love through the story of the Good Samaritan. Agape love is an action, not a feeling. We, as Christians, are called to joyfully put the well-being of others above ourselves. Knowing that we live in a fallen world, we cannot achieve this love without the ultimate Source. Jesus. 

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Is God Alive?

Why is God Dead?

            Considering my religious background, one might be curious as to why I would defend Nietzsche’s infamous statement “God is dead”. As Christians, we can take Nietzsche’s words and apply them to our thoughts and teachings. I was rather shocked at the discovery I made. To be honest, I felt a bit convicted after thoroughly investing Nietzsche’s vivid statement. Maybe we truly are killing God, or at least the power of His Word. Maybe we already have. The church.

            Before diving into Nietzsche’s claim, it is important to note that he is known as the atheistic existentialist. Existentialism simply means the thought of how individuals came to exist and how individuals interact in the world. The questions that rise when thinking about existentialism are: Why am I here? Why are we here? What does “the good life” look like if there is no clear purpose in life? Nietzsche makes several claims that clearly supports him being an atheistic existentialist.

            Knowing that Nietzsche was a professor of the New Testament allows us to recognize that he had a great understanding of Biblical language. All through the Bible we can see master-slave relationships. The Bible goes as far to say that we individuals are servants or slaves to God. How can we be slaves to God when we are free to do whatever we want? Also, our freedom becomes more prevalent as time progresses. The only possible outcome that Nietzsche discovers is that the Master has died. We no longer have a master controlling us.

            Nietzsche presents a story about a madman that is helpful in understanding his idea of God being dead. Nietzsche opens his anecdote with a madman running to the marketplace to a group of people who don’t believe in God. During this time the madman runs around and yells “I seek God! I seek God!” After this, many of the men around him made fun of his statement. The madman then explains that all of us have killed God. The madman goes through a large explanation as to why and how we have killed God. Nietzsche then explains that it is known that the madman went into the churches and sang “What are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?” My exact question.

            To some extent, I completely agree with Nietzsche’s idea and I think that all Christians should be open to the thought. In the world we live in, we don’t need a God for anything but an endless hope. We find love in anything or anyone. We find support in technology and social media. We have the freedom to say whatever we want, whenever we want. We have the ability to receive anything that we need in this world from everything but God. We don’t look to God for support.  We look to the world and what it offers.

            I think that Nietzsche explains the Christianity problem of this generation! If I were to go to many different youth individuals and ask them if they need God, most of the youth would honestly hesitate to answer. To them, their lives are perfect and they have the concept of immortality; therefore, they do not need to worry about God and their eternal life because the afterlife is far away from the individuals due to their age. I believe that we have entered an age where needing God isn’t a priority. What this generation “needs” is the latest and greatest iPhone, or the best fashion trends, or the latest Netflix shows and the top forty music hits! Sounds like a dangerous path to me!

            I think that we haven’t killed God, because God does exist. What I do think is that we have put a block in our minds and hearts that pushes God out. We live in a world of distractions. We can’t open the Bible without having our phone right next to us. All of the distractions of the world blinds us from God’s work. God still is active in the daily life just as he was in the Biblical times, we just have killed the desire to want to know about him because we want to know about the latest news of the top celebrities. Our connection with God seems to be weakened by the constant connection to Wi-Fi. How do we fix it?

            Clearly, finding a way to fix the overall problem is ludicrous. It’s impossible to fix a problem that is so easily attained by each individual. I think a good place to start fixing the problem is within the churches. As stated above, Nietzsche explains “What are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?” The church needs to bring God back to life! Our congregation is falling…the Lord’s Word isn’t impacting…the youth are only there because their parents make them go! I think that we need one person to believe in the power of God in each church. Clearly most church goers are just walking through the motions. If they weren’t, there would be a radical difference within the church and we would see more of God’s actions.

            Preachers are holding back because they only want the numbers in the church. They do not talk about the end times near as often as they used to because they do not want to scare their church-goers into a relationship with God. Each individual thinks that they are perfect and do not need improvement. Preachers are scared to let their church-goers know that they need a savior! All of the reasons that Nietzsche states why we have killed God, leads us to the reason why we need a Savior. The constant distractions and freedoms that we now possess allows us to travel into sin much easier. Sin leads to eternal death.

            Nietzsche clearly states that we have come accustomed to not needing a God; however, I claim, what we don’t realize enough is that we need a Savior! We have killed the idea of needing God on earth because we don’t need to be saved while we are alive, but when it is all said and done, we will wish that we would have wanted a God throughout our entirety of life. God doesn’t need us, we need Him. Without His Word and comfort, we would be lost. Without His love, we would not know how to love. We need God much more than what we know. God is alive.