As I said in an earlier post...I grew up in a small town with literally 10 people in my class. 3 girls and 7 guys! All of us were like brothers and sisters. I never ever dated anyone in my class. I only dated 3 people in my entire life. I knew that God wanted me to wait for true love; however, I didn't want to wait! I just wanted to be loved.
I dated this one guy...I was a freshman and he was a senior. Yeah! He was into the same music as me and everything...but he was an atheist! What was I thinking??? I have no clue! I definitely thought I was cool...until he broke up with me on a bus in front of everyone! I cried my eyes out...wow, looking back on it...it was pretty pathetic!
I dated this other dude after that...I thought "I'm going to find a Christian guy that will stay with me forever" so I dated a pastors kid...yeah that wasn't a good idea either. He turned out to be quite the character. Well...I called that one off.
After this...I gave up! I was like no sir! I'm never gonna be with another guy. They all have cooties and are just gross. Well...here we go again.
There was this boy. I just thought he was the most amazing thing ever! He would sit out in the crowd and do cheers with me while I was cheering. (Yeah, I was a cheerleader.) I talked to him and well he kind of just left. Four years later God allowed him back into my life. I was so happy! We were the perfect couple. I could always count on him to be there for me! Always! I went to prom with him...and it was just amazing! I felt like Cinderella! He made me feel like such a princess. We went to church together. We learned about God together...our relationship started then. We just knew that we were going to get married! I was so excited that I finally found the boy for me! If I could have painted a picture of the guy I wanted to marry...he was it. Read on...
We had made a promise to each other that we weren't going to kiss. That literally lasted for about 6 months. Our love for each other grew and grew....well my love did anyways! We decided then that we were going to get married two years later into our relationship. He had bought me a ring a year after that and we started planning our beautiful wedding day. I spent countless numbers of hours planning this wedding. I just had it all planned out. Notice: I said "I" had this all planned out. I was ready for this next step in our relationship. The days slipped right by and it got about 6 months before our wedding day. At this time, I bought so much stuff for this wedding...including a beautiful wedding dress. My brides maids were so excited and we went shopping to get their dresses. He never seemed too excited about the wedding but I just figured that it was a guy thing. He still acted and treated me like a princess. I fell in love with him more every day.
We then started going to premarital counseling and nothing seemed to be wrong at all. Everything was perfect! Everything was the way that I pictured it! I made my wedding vow to him...in fact I still have it.
"Dalton, you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life
with. You have made me so happy since the first day that I met you. Thank you
for accepting me for who I am and allowing me to be a part of your relationship
with God. I promise to always love you, respect you, and to put God first in
our marriage under every circumstance. I also promise to be faithful to you.
Today, I choose to be your partner in Christ , and commit myself to you for the
rest of my life. I love you."
So as you can see from above...I was in this. I was ready to be committed. I had prepared myself for this. I was ready to be his for the rest of my life. We were supposed to bring those to our marriage counseling session that day but he had never written is. He had said he forgot it. I thought it was kind of fishy but in my mind I thought all was okay. This is when things scared me. It was literally about three months before the wedding. I had made so many decorations and I put my heart into everything that I was doing. I started working on our invitations and finally got all of those done. $5,000 later we had our wedding all ready. Everything was just fabulous...until May 6, 2013.
That day was just horrific for me. He had been working and he texted me and said "I need to pray, please don't come over tonight." Immediately I start to freak out because that's not him. He was never that way. I was so scared. I went on a walk by myself...crying my eyes out more and more every step. He was walking too...I didn't know it. We met each other and he said he wanted nothing to do with me for that night. Well I questioned....and questioned...and questioned....as to why? What did I do? He never answered.
After a 3 trips to his apartment he finally said it...twenty days before the wedding...he said it...those words that I never wanted to hear. The words that hurt me...and are still hurting me to this day. "Caitlyn, I don't want to marry you." I cried...my heart was broken. Broken...so broken that I made myself sick. He then proceeded to tell me that he wasn't sure so he was going to pray more about it and then give me an answer.
I waited
and waited
and waited
and waited....
still no answer....so my uncle talked to him and finally we got it out of him. He was done. He didn't want me anymore. He wanted nothing to do with me or my family. He basically said that it was all fake. I hurt so bad. I went home...Grandma held me and prayed with me.
After that I gathered up all of my movie tickets, notes, gifts, my life with him...I gathered it all up and put it in an envelope and met him...praying and hoping that he would take me back...but nope, he was truly done with me.
After that night I met him once more to give him back my wedding ring and all of his belongings...I didn't see him since.
I don't know what I did to cause him to leave me; however, God has his reasons. My heart is still healing over this horrible thing in my life. I don't know why everything happened the way that it did, but I do know that God has someone special out there for me. Everything is in God's timing.
I now have returned my pen back to God to begin a new love story for me. I hate being alone but I know that God is watching out for me...and I truly am never alone. He is always here with me! God's love is bigger than any guy's love that I know...so for now, I am sticking with God's love until he brings a wonderful young man in my life to begin...and finish an amazing love story.
Thanks for reading and sorry if I offended anyone. :]
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